No Bodies Ever Knew....

My father-in-law was pretty sick yesterday so I had the daunting task of calling out of work, watching some movies and sitting in front of the fireplace with Kyle all day. It turned out great. I watched three movies

The Hellbenders (B)
Duck, You Sucker (C+)
Companero’s (A)

Two Corbucci’s and a Leone. It really doesn’t get much better than that. I love Leone but Corbucci is slowly creeping up on him in my book. I mean Leone makes epics but its tough to devote 3+ hours to a movie when you can through on two Corbucci’s in that time.

Kyle was great and took a few naps in between laughing and being amused by Brodie. Kyle also got his two solid meals in the form of Oatmeal and Green Beans. He really seems to enjoy both of these and it somehow makes him seem more human when he’s sitting in a chair eating from a spoon. I can see why he digs on it so much too. The Oatmeal is pretty sweet and comforting while the Green Beans have this bland but nutritious taste. I mean I wouldn’t eat it but he seems to enjoy it. Speaking of which, I used to go to school with this girl who would eat baby food for lunch. It used to annoy me so much. I’ve never seen such a blatant attempt to draw attention to one’s self. Granted she also used The Smashing Pumpkin’s B-Sides box-set as a lunch box and would wear really awful dresses so I guess its to be expected. Oh and of course I dated this awful excuse for humanity. It was only for a few weeks in my junior year of high school. In actuality she was a pretty sweet girl. Really nice and uber into me (and I’m not being conceded here she invited me to Pesto night with her grandparents the night we started dating. Nothing says loving like some Pesto served with the heavy aroma of death and moth balls in the air) I would also like to add that by the time we started dating she no longer ate pureed vegetables or used novelty boxes to hold her lunch.

The other cool thing (or not so cool depending on your point of view) is that I used to play Magic: The Gathering with her friend so he would tell me all this crazy stuff she would say and do.

So why didn’t this ideal relationship work out? It is as simple as Italian hoagies. Her parents owned a huge sub shop and she would help out on a daily basis. I’m not sure how or why but she ALWAYS smelled like an Italian hoagie with no oil but a generous helping of mayo. It was really crazy because one day I picked her up from the sub shop and took her to her house so she could shower before we went out. She actually smelled worse after the shower. The only time I ever brought her around my friends only confirmed my worst fears. My buddy Jim was playing drums in a band so I took her to one of his shows at a local bar. They had a band van so after the show Jim loaded up his drums and we headed to a diner for coffee and cigarettes. We were in the car for no more than 24 seconds and Jim starts asking me if I had a half eaten hoagie laying around. He wouldn’t let up either. He started looking under his seat, in the glove box, under the visors….everywhere looking for the phantom hoagie. It was a really awkward situation because I was never sure if she knew that she smelled. Needless to say we were broken up by the time I dropped her off that night.

I guess that’s what you get when you date a girl who eats baby food.