I voted.
I waited 1 hour and 42 minutes.
Thats 102 minutes.
It was raining really hard.
I forgot my coat and don't own an umbrella.
I was wearing a dress shirt, tie and dress pants.
I was wet, cold and cranky.
Here are some stories.
I had my little group surrounding me. First off there was the rugged man who seemed reasonable enough despite his poor fashion choices (dude had denim from head to toe with a little suede thrown in there for good measure) He also neglected to bring an umbrella but didn't seem to mind it as much as me. Maybe that was because he had his socially except able vice to keep him company. As he lit cigarette after cigarette all I could think about was how much I really would like a cocktail. A Hot Toddie perhaps or maybe a warm Johnny Jump Up. Anyway behind me was this black girl who couldn't have been any older than 14 (yes I know that she had to be at least 18 to be voting but no one can convince me otherwise). She spent the entire time on her cell phones with topics ranging from how to cook chicken to the size shirt her 6 foot 7 inch (I'm assuming she was referring to his height) boyfriend (named Baby Boy) wears (its a 4X in case you were wondering) to the plot of the new Saw film to the drinks at Bahama Breeze to the work ethic of her brother Leon to giving head in a movie theater.
I couldn't believe it. She had no problem airing any of this and her voice never lowered in attempt to be a bit discrete. I really don't even know what to say about the whole thing so I guess I'll move on.
There was this monstrosity directly in front of me but I'll get to her in just a second. There were the typical Democratic Campaigners there. You know the mousy looking librarian types with the white hair and no make-up. There was also a smattering of the hippy contingent with their fake dreads, large sweaters and bad beards. I was happy to also see the "college professor" representin' with a few guys wearing Indiana Jones style hats with white turtle necks and tweed jackets.
Awesome.
Anyway all of these people braved the elements to try to let me know that O'Bama (yeah he's Irish now. deal with it)was the man I should be voting for. Good work guys. At one point I had one of the woman tell me that I should call voter services next week to complain about the wait. Why? Isn't it good there is a wait? I mean what is voter services going to do? Revoke voting rights so my line is shorter? Or maybe they'll be able to keep it from raining next time. Or maybe just maybe they'll buy me an umbrella. Which leads me to my next encounter.
Apparently these uber smart Dem Dems decided to bring in some umbrellas for the poor souls who forgot theirs. A very nice gesture I must say. By the time there was a free umbrella I was halfway through the line and thoroughly soaked. A fine gentleman offered me the umbrella but I declined because I noticed that about ten people behind me there was a miserable looking women who probably needed it more than me. I nice gesture? I guess so but it didn't warrant any praise. Thats not how the human globe in front of me saw it. She spun around and was so impressed with my chivalry that she offered me an Oreo. Now let me explain that at this point I had been standing in line for almost an hour and had been examining everyone around me. I observed that this beast was wearing jeans and a circus tent as a sweatshirt. There was no real room to conceal 1 cookie much less the entire box that magically produced. Heres the deal. I'm a big guy and I know it. I'm really not self conscious about it. I go swimming and will jokingly rip my shirt off every once in awhile. I used to be real thin but 8 years of beer has made that a distant memory. With all of that said I don't care how comfortable you are in your own skin YOU SHOULD NOT BE WALKING AROUND WITH A BOX OF OREO'S IF YOU A FATSO!
I wanted to punch this heinous thing in its fat face. She is an insult humanity as a whole.
So of course I took an Oreo. I mean they are quite delicious.
Anyway after I finally got to cast my vote for the right man I made my way to the car and turned on the radio only to hear "Obama has won Pennsylvania". Hmmm I may be wrong but there are still like 300 people waiting in line to vote. It seems like quite a deterrent to announce a victor before people are done voting. Especially since there was this huge push to get more people out to vote. That would be like studios complaining that no one was going to the movies any more after they revealed the ending of every film coming out or The Phillies urging fans to come to CBP when they would give the final score before the game even started (I know thats impossible and I'm delving into Marty sports almanac alternate 1985 territory but again deal with it.) It just doesn't make a whole lot o' sense to me.
After leaving the polling station I decided to celebrate the next president by stopping at a deli and picking up a few Mickey's 40's. How better to celebrate?
After picking up my drinks I was walking through a dimly lit parking lot and noticed that parked next to me was this crazy car with neon laser beams, tinted windows no muffler and more pass than this suburbanite can appreciate. Then two dudes get out and I'm putting on my "Don't mess with me I'm dangerous face" (which falls some where between mugshot Paul Ruebens and Joey Gladstone) The guys walk right past me with even looking in my direction. I get to my car and start feeling a bit guilty about my unwarranted fear (or racism). Then I think back to something Patrice Oneil said, "If I'm walking down the street and I see a bunch of white dudes with shaved heads you better believe I'm turning around."
This new America is going to be pretty wild.
Baby update:
When I get home from work the kid stops crying or fussing and makes this adorable face where his mouth forms an "O" and his eyes get huge.
The single most rewarding thing ever.
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